I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My vagina is very pro this idea
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
