dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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