I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
