what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
