This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Even my vagina gasped.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
