I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
