Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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