I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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