I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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