I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
