Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize