chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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