We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
