it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Liz is crying about burritos again.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
