I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
