Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
we're so committed to being not committed
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