i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
