Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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