dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
