I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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