I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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