My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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