i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
