I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
