I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize