Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
