Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
