1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
