Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
