Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
