I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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