My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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