I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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