Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
