i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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