Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
