do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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