Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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