Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
