I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
where does the pee come out of this thing
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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