I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm at about main and main street
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
