Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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