My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
