dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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