Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
