you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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