Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
