A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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