he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
