please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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