Nicole vs. Life
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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