hotel room ftw
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
