Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
