She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
