I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
