the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
