i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
