i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
