So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
