I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
