it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
