Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
