so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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