dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
