so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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