Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
