try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
