The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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