if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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