like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Someone signed my nipple.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
