don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
