The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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